My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
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I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
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Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize