so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
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Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
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My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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