if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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