her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
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I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
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Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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