he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize