Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize