you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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