I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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