i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize