i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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