i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
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I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
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Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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