right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
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And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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