tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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