So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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