You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I enjoy the company of your penis
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize