Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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