reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
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The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
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I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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