He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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