I feel great
I just peed on a car
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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