u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He better not be in your backpack
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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