she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
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Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
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But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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