Im at strip club and am horny
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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