Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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