Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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