don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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