Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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