I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize