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omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
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