I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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