3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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