Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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