watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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