he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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