dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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