you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
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also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
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There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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