Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
even my farts smell like vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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