As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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