I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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