I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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