I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize