wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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