Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
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The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
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His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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