he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drink are we having for lunch?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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