its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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