I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
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I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
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Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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