So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize