Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
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oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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