so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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