I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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