i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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